i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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