I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
