It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
