I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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