mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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