guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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