i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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