Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize