google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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