i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
