I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
