so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
