what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
