planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
