last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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