i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
