They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
