i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
