Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
