at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do vagina's smell?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
