Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
