i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
