You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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