i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
