My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
