i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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