phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
