wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
