Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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