I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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