Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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