Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you never un-have a 4some
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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