Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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