I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
