Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
