I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
