i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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