so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
