I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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