I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
