okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
