Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
