i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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