After last night, I could never be a politician.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
