just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He passed out mid-signature
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
