'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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