She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
