whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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