glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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