So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
