your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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