Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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