it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
