We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
