I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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