this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
