someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
