Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
