Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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