Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
