He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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