how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
