Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
