Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
