put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
