I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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