so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
