I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
