she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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