If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
