I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
