I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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