On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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