I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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