Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
