I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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