I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
